I Just Realized I Am a Narcissist
It is next to impossible for someone to clearly see what is wrong with them, especially when they are always criticising themselves for everything that goes wrong. Yeah, I am one such person. But never in my life had I thought that I would come out to be a narcissist, I am having so many mixed feelings at this point. But one thing I am sure about is that I wish to acknowledge this new knowledge about myself. I want to address it.
I was reading an article about what it feels like being in a relationship with a narcissist (no no I am not dating one, fortunately, but I am afraid my partner is dealing with one) and I realized how I actually have been in situations where I have acted like a narcissist. This led me to exploring more about narcissism and, well, after reading a few more articles I am certain I am a narcissist. Now all I am wondering is, how am I supposed to feel? It should be devastating information but honestly, instead of feeling bad I am weirdly feeling at ease.
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What Signs of Narcissism Do I Have?
I have been a narcissist since forever. Even though I knew the definition of the word, I never thought I could’ve been one until today. Upon reading the signs and characteristics that can be found in a narcissist, I could relate to a few of them and I have listed them below:
- I can be provoked really easily.
- I am hypersensitive.
- I am very defensive.
- I get anxious easily and feel anxious almost all the time.
- I get intimidated by people around me.
- I fantasize about being beautiful, in love, or powerful almost all the time.
- I constantly need someone to appreciate or admire me.
- I am not able to change anything mentioned above.
How Does Being a Narcissist Feel?
Although I used to believe that narcissists like living in denial because they are not proud of their reality, I am not really feeling ashamed after knowing my reality. As I said earlier, I am feeling at ease. It’s like I have stepped a little closer to myself by finding out something new about me. As someone who is anxious all the time, I blame myself for everything so much that I never really pay attention to my own self. This has affected me a lot in the past. To be there with yourself constantly but still not being there when you need yourself the most. Knowing something that the world does not know about me (yet) makes me feel a little important, as if I know a little secret now.
Now that I know I am a narcissist, I know what I am supposed to work on. Earlier it was like aiming in the dark, I had no clue what was wrong with me, literally everything felt wrong. Now I know what is wrong so it will be easier for me to make it right.
What Will I Do Now?
This seems such a weird question to ask myself at this point to be very honest, it is funny somehow. I don’t know how one gets over this personality disorder. But my aim is to take care of mental health and then work on my personality. These are the long term goals, I will start by dealing with small things and issues. Such as anxiety and overthinking. Well, I am already working on it, I have started taking delta 8 tinctures, and I am getting better. You too can check out the best tinctures at the observer. Simultaneously I will start taking therapy. I guess it’ll be easier to deal with something I am not completely aware of, under professional guidance. And rest will be taken care of by the therapist, I hope.If you too think you have similar traits and signs, you can take a free online test that will help you understand your personality better. I would suggest you to gracefully accept the results and not choose to live in denial. Trust me, accepting helps a lot.